The Power of Micro-Connections:
Building love in small moments
We often think that “special” moments in relationships are those big, over-the-top gestures - a fancy dinner at a glitzy restaurant; an expensive piece of jewellery; front-row tickets to Taylor Swift. And don’t get me wrong – I’m a sucker for a bougie steak house or a designer handbag. But real intimacy isn’t built on grand gestures. While big moments or splashy events can be meaningful, it’s actually the small, daily, seemingly insignificant interactions that weave the fabric of enduring love – what we call micro-connections: small moments where we share a dose of attention, affection, and love with the one who matters most.
Why micro-connections matter
Micro-connections are those small, everyday acts of love. Over time, they amass to form a strong foundation and an overall positive sentiment of the relationship. And they’re simpler than you think: a brief hug before leaving for work; a shared smile across the dinner table; an unprovoked text message that says, “I’m thinking of you. Hope your day is going well.” One couple I work with routinely leaves each other one-line love notes in unexpected places: next to the coffee machine in the morning; on top of a gym bag; at the bottom of a sock drawer. These are moments that surprise and delight. These are moments that say, “I see you. You matter to me. However busy life gets, I have not forgotten about you.”
Small act, big gesture.
Research from The Gottman Institute shows that couples who regularly engage in these small bids for connection are more likely to stay together and thrive. By contrast, consistently turning away—whether through distraction or disinterest—erodes trust and intimacy over time.
How to cultivate micro-connections
Here are a few simple practices to help you embrace the power of small moments:
Notice
Become more aware of your partner’s bids for connection. When your partner shares a funny TikTok video, for example, they are looking for a moment of brief connection. It’s not just about the funny video. What they are really saying is, I would like to share this moment with you. Are you interested?
Respond - even briefly
You don’t need to drop everything or let the pot roast burn in the oven. But you do need to acknowledge your partner. A quick nod, smile, or a minute of your attention shows you see their bid for connection and that it matters to you. Make a conscious decision to be present.
Create rituals of connection
Couple rituals are huge. My partner and I have a nightly habit of going for a walk by the water. We hold hands and walk close to each other. This is protected time that we use to chat about our day, check in with each other, and focus on us. This keeps us grounded in each other and reminds us of the sacredness of our bond.
Celebrate the ordinary
Love doesn’t need fireworks to flourish (but occasional fireworks are good, too!). Celebrate the everyday moments—a shared laugh over an inside joke or holding hands during a walk. These are the treasures of long-term love.
Life is busy, I get that. Days turn into weeks and week into months. Distractions, obligations, and duties abound. It can be easy to forget about each other because the kids are screaming or the yard needs to be raked. But if we’re not careful, we miss opportunities to turn toward each other and strengthen the bond that holds us together. When you begin to see your relationship as a series of micro-connections, the mundane transforms into the meaningful. Over time, these small moments build a reservoir of goodwill and closeness that will carry you through life’s inevitable challenges.
So this week, I invite you to slow down. Search and find moments where you can connect in tiny ways. And notice when your partner is doing the same. Respond with intention. Love is built in the small, sacred moments we create together. You may be surprised at how powerful these moments of micro-connections can actually be.